- Psalm 50
<splashy, splashy, splashy>
Michael: OH MY GOD!
Michael: Do you happen to have, like, a number for neighborhood pool maintenance?
Alex: Hmm, you'll have to ask Jennifer. Something wrong?
M: . . . There's a freaking CREATURE in the pool.
A: What like swimming around?
M: No. No, it's . . . inside one of the little water intake duct thingies in the side of the pool. That's how I came face-to-face with it. I was right at the end of lap seventeen. Nosing up to the edge of the pool.
A: What is it?
M: . . . I'd already done sixteen laps, finishing each one like inches from this thing.
A: . . .
M: I guess I can say with a very modest degree of confidence that it's either . . . a very large, mature mouse. Or else it's a very small, youthful rabbit. It's kind of got these laid back ears.
A: Sounds like a rabbit.
M: My initial take was to try to decide whether it was a rat, or a rabbit. Which was going to make a real big difference on how I felt about the whole episode. All of this water was going in and out of my mouth, for like 20 minutes already, with this like creature in the water.
A: I wouldn't worry about it. There's a lot of chlorine in there.
M: I hit on the mouse idea while walking back.
A: Is it alive?
M: I was actually just getting to this. This is the incredibly creepy part. . . . I can't tell. It's just sitting there, totally unmoving. But after I levitated out of the pool, I sat on the edge and splashed some water at it. I'm pretty sure it blinked a couple of times. But then I tried to rescue it, with the like pool scooper device they have. And it didn't move at all. Not a twitch.
A: . . .
M: I'm thinking "half-drowned" is the best most likely description. And but then it turned out it wouldn't fit.
A: Jesus! How big is it?
M: No, I mean the scooper. The scooper wouldn't fit in the little intake duct.
A: Oh. I thought you meant the creature wouldn't fit in the scooper.
M: No. And so then I was on the verge of using the other pool implement, the one like a hook, to sort of pull the creature out into the scooper. And that's when I finally concluded I just really didn't want to be in that business at all. Call in the pros. I want to, like, have the water changed in the pool.
A: Hang on. <digs out monstrous barbecue tongs from drawer> Let's go.
M: What? You're just going to pull it out with those? And, what, like throw it on the grill?
A: Oh, you poor thing. It's a bunny, dude. And it's totally freezing. Hang on; I'm going to go get some gloves.
M: Do I have time to grab my camera?
M: You're just going to take it back home?
M: Do you have, like, some kind of long-term plan for this thing?
A: Get it dried out, give it some food. Then let it go.
M: Did you see our new friend?
Jennifer: Yes. Isn't she cute?
M: Yeah, well, now she is.
M: I've got to think our number one priority is keeping the dogs away from her or this'll be a short-lived rescue operation.
A: Seriously out of the frying pan and into the fire.
M: What are you actually going to feed her?
A: Lettuce, carrots like I said, she came to the right place.
M: True we are all about rabbit food here.
M: Man you're a real saint.
A: Not really.
M: An angel of compassion.
A: Let's let her get some sleep.